How depression feels like to a young, 24 years old, adult?

I’d wake up every day, after hours of the sleepless night, and tell myself I’ll make a difference this time. I’d promise myself that I’d be cleaning, cooking and I’d write.

You know what depression brings along? it’s way more painful than the pain that it leaves behind. I wake up every morning, wishing to make a difference this time.

I wake up not knowing what’s about to come, I end up crying and go back to bed. No, it’s not laziness my friends, it’s what depressed people are like, lacking energy to do the simplest of chores, even taking bath. No, not because we are lazy, because we are too tired to live and to breathe.

When did I become like this? When have I changed so much? I know no answer to these questions that burn me from inside. All I know is that I’d go to bed with a hope of change and I end up being stuck in the labyrinth each time.

One day, I hope, I’d wake up, clean, cook and see the colours of the world as they seem, life would no longer be grey and dull. Until then, this is goodbye, gotta go sleep, or try to, and gotta wake up in the morning, wishing to make a difference this time.

~Swarnali Sarkar

India