By Sudha Dixit

When it comes to the identity of a woman, we find that there is none. She is only a father’s daughter, a husband’s wife or a son’s mother. She is never ‘She’ or ‘Her’, never an independent woman having her own status. All this is in the name of security. Does it really make her secure? Is she safe outside home or for that matter even inside home? Be it school, college, workplace or shopping mall, it’s a jungle out there and predators lurk in the confines of home too. Then why can’t she be empowered? It is well known that during crisis women often emerge stronger & more level headed than men. But irony of this fact is that a woman may prove to be the hero at one point but the moment the crisis is over she is pushed back stage. Girls are doing much better in schools and board exams, yet families give more weight age and support to sons. Women have proved to be better at multi tasking; still they are undermined at work places.

 All this is because ours is a patriarchal society. Men believe (because they want to believe) that they are superior to women (nothing can be farther from truth than this misconcept). There are certain myths that need to be busted. One myth is that only girls cry, boys don’t. Poor boys – big or small – they are forced to keep a brave front & stern face. In reality they are more vulnerable. They become tense and irritable during a crisis because they cannot cry openly and give vent to their frustration. Girls may or may not cry but, often handle the situation with more grit and maturity. Anyway crying should not be the criterion to judge a human being irrespective of gender. What is objectionable is that men degrade women on such trivial issues. Sir Tim Hunt, the British Nobel Prize winning scientist says that female scientists should not be allowed in labs as they distract him. Wow! Isn’t it something akin to what some misogynists say that women should not look smart & attractive as it invites rape or molestation. Coming from a Nobel laureate Sir Hunt’s remark is ludicrous and disgusting at the same time. If he has problem, let him leave the lab. It was Madame Curie, not Mr. Curie (working along with her as co scientist) who got the credit. Dr, Jenifer Rohn refuted Sir Hunt’s claim, saying “Yes, in the lab, women do cry, I have cried……. But equally I have seen men sobbing over their test tubes.”

  The tendency to be anti women is the subconscious bias, the society has. At work place, if a woman gets promotion, it is presumed that she got it by virtue of being a female; if she does not, she is simply leveled inept. At lower level women get less pay for the same amount of work men do. This bias is blatantly obvious in Madras high court granting bail to a rapist so that he could compromise with the victim and her family. How insensitive. Thank God the Supreme Court quashed this order. The biased conscience is visible through certain myths prevalent in society, one being that women are monogamous and men are polygamous. Men have created this myth simply to get away with their wayward ways. In a group discussion I said that some may be monogamous and some women polygamous and not as exception to the rule but naturally. The male (even some female) members looked scandalized. I said that there should be a difference between ‘they are’ and ‘they should be’. Some people are monogamous some are polygamous, irrespective of gender. Why monogamy, like many other virtues, be thrust upon women?

 Another myth is glorifying motherhood. Some women may not want to have babies. So, what is the big deal? Let them not have. To be a mother or not to be a mother should be the woman’s personal privilege. Motherhood is a huge responsibility. Every woman is not willing or capable of taking it up. Why should society sit in judgment & call her selfish? Same plea holds good in case of abortion. It is her body and only she should be the decision maker.  Marital rape is one more glaring example of biased conscience. In the name of culture and sanctity of marriage the husband can do anything and the wife should not even complain. Marital rape is yet another glaring example of biased conscience. In the name of culture and sanctity of marriage, a husband can do anything and the wife should not even protest or complain. On a conducted Tour to Europe, I and my friends were asked to get NOC (No Objection Letters) from our husbands. We asked do husbands also require NOC’s from wives. Predictably the answer was no.

  We have come a long way from dark ages. We still have to go many extra miles. There are still many cobwebs that need to be cleaned from the archaic mind set of people. Despite the progress humanity has made, women’s status keeps stumbling over tiny pebbles, big boulders and sharp thorns put in their paths in the name of religion, culture and customs. The latest ruling by Supreme Court does bring a ray of hope, a step forward. A bench of Justices Vikramjit Sen and Abhay M. Sapre has ruled that there is no need for father’s consent in giving guardianship of a child to an unwed mother. As for different status  of women  in different  religions , we  must  have a  uniform  civil  code  throughout  India.

About The Author:  Sudha Dixit is from Lucknow and studied at Aligarh Muslim Univ., Lucknow Univ. and Banaras Hindu University. She currently resides in Bangalore. She writes articles, poems in both Hindi & English. Her hobbies include painting and reading.