Mother’s Day Musings

She shut the door on me
Without giving any warning
Maybe, I was not deserving enough
To know of her plans
Maybe, she just needed privacy
Oh! She had it her way
Secretly transitioning from life to death
Resolute in her decision
Her time on earth had ended
Even choosing the date
I couldn’t do a thing to hold her back
Bereft at her leaving without a chance to say goodbye
Kissed her still warm forehead
Touched her feet asking for forgiveness
And when reality sunk in, I started to crack
First, they appeared like hairline fissures
That slowly widened into deep chasms
Plagued with guilt, suffered from depression
I had not completed my service
to her, as had planned
For years I was in denial
Touching, caressing her worldly possessions
Unable to box them with labels
Restrained from giving it away
Clinging on to them for survival
And as the years rolled by
She remained alive through  objects
Sarees still hung in the closet
The batik printed one liked best
Draped on her, looked ethereal
Today she appeared in my dreams.
Chastising me for being silly
‘Get up woman. Move on.
Let go of this guilt trip’
I asked “Give me another chance
and I’ll make good of what was
left undone”
She responded with her signature smile
Fixed on her lips; the image I carry for the last sixteen years
Lying unmoving on the funeral pyre
And just like that, with the switch of a button
Into the furnace disappeared.
The whole was reduced to ashes in hours
Leaving behind memories to rewind
And as Butterflies can’t see the beauty of their wings
She too was unaware of the impression she left
On whomsoever, she touched
Beauty, far exceeding, a string of the purest white pearls
 ~ Snigdha Agrawal

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