By Lahari Kandamuru

Is overcoming depression supposed to be this tough? You feel happy, contempt and positive one moment. The next thing you know you suffer from a severe headache trying to figure out why you’re so lonely and depressed. Why does it have to be this way? Why do we get depressed?

It often occurs to me that I am not depressed at all. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. I feel low for no reason and that space starts feeling comfortable. Things sort of makes sense in those minutes when I am detached from everything and everyone. I accept myself for who I am. And I see strength in that. How many of us are actually aware of who we are deep down? I am stronger at my lowest, and I take pride in it.

The question of why anyone feels low in the first place never left me. I read somewhere that we get depressed because we don’t get what we want. The more you try and resist the fact you don’t get your way, the more you’re depressed. Countless people face the challenges depression throws at them. I am one among such. Yet I have reasons not to agree to that statement. Not getting what you want may act as a trigger. Yes, there will be resistance. Uncertainty is something we tend to avoid as humans. How justified is it to say it is the only cause of depression? Or to brush off something real?

And if it isn’t the cause of depression, what is? Feeling low is not why you’re depressed, it is the other way around. You feel low because you’re facing something you’re unaware of. My search for an answer has been going for a while now. I am nowhere close to finding it. And it frustrates me more than words can ever express. What frustrates me more is people passing common statements and judgements about someone. Let me give you a glimpse of what feeling low is like.

Assume a scenario where you’re walking down a busy road, hit a rock you didn’t notice and get hurt. Another scenario is where you see the rock, try to go around it and yet get hurt. Let’s say in both cases, you’re injured and rushed to the hospital for treatment. You’re taken care of and feel a bit better. And then, “How could I have been so stupid? I should have been more mindful. Who would’ve thought there will be a boulder in the middle of the pavement? Oh God! I embarrassed myself in front of all those people. Damn it hurts.” Some of these thoughts are inevitable. As a spectator, who will you blame? The rock or yourselves?

Feeling low or giving into resistance is not something anyone does deliberately. It is the rock that hurt people. The treatment you’re given represents the few moments of feeling less lonely. Like the thoughts and questions, the feelings always creeps back. Depression is the throbbing pain you wish you don’t have to go through when you get hurt. The answer to why someone is depressed is the same as knowing why you hit the rock when you noticed it and didn’t.

Having resources isn’t enough to have a successful recovery. It depends on various factors. Being non-judgemental and offering help are a few basic things one can do to help someone in need.

We feel so proud of being the most intelligent species on earth. Yet I fail to understand how we ignore our senses when it comes to making someone feel bad for being low. It is a kind request for those who made it to the end of the article to consider and be mindful of what you’re saying to others. Words once uttered can’t be taken back. To those who are facing depression, you’re the fiercest person. Despite how you may feel or others make you feel.

Love,

A Depressed Girl.

About the Author: Lahari is a writer currently based in Bengaluru, India. A philomath by nature, she is particularly interested in the domain of mental health. She can be reached at laharikandamuru.1995@gmail.com