By Mark Antony Rossi
Life is most hectic when working a full-time job and heading a family consisting of a wife and two small boys plus a healthy amount of writing for various publications. Indeed, I asked for all of this and I am making it work whenever I observe my appointments to use the bathroom and take a breath.
Maybe I’m a different animal but I don’t fantasize about hitting the lottery or dancing with the stars — I dream about one thing –alone time. The blessed time when the house and is empty and work doesn’t need me. When even the muse loses my number and I could walk the dog down the street and not care about anything else.
I run nightly which is a form of alone time but my body recognizes rightly: alone time doesn’t involve cardio, sweating or dodging sleepy auto drivers. Alone time is a special zone carved out of a laborious life that dictates every space must be filled with something lest we are guilty of wasting time or resources. I was once a rigid inherent of that busy-body philosophy.
Now I see the wisdom, forget that, the genuine need to find ways to unplug, disconnect, be left alone to reengage a part of myself often in lost in the mix of work, family and soccer practice. There is too much lecturing about loneliness and not enough honest reflection about how blessed but stressful family life can be on the individual.
I’ve read interviews of men and women whom sprinted to divorce court when they lost “themselves” in the relationship. Their discoveries are authentic but their solutions destructive in my opinion due to my theory of non-allowance of alone time contributes to a deeper sense of isolation. Without it a person is condemned to endless bad relationships because like it or not we are not always free to be whom we are regardless of how loving or supportive the relationship.
While I am not trying to be controversial I must say in my experience with unhappy people the key element to their misery is the separation anxiety the other partner exerts and thus keeps a constant presence that gives no ground for pressure relief. Be this insecurity, jealousy or some other hidden factor such as prior abuse in a former relationship I sense it is safe to say that growth will not occur in a family dynamic without a healthy measure of trust and freedom.
My Catholic friends like to meditate with rosary beads. My Indian friends swear yoga is a big benefit. I believe them. Perhaps I’m boring or better — want to be bored by watching ancient aliens on television while eating egg rolls. But I like my alone time. Just for a little while.
About the Author: Mark Antony Rossi is a poet, playwright and author of the bioethics volume “Dark Tech” now available from Amazon. His most recent plays have been produced in Liverpool and New York.
http://ethical-stranger.webnode.com/